Successful
Relationship:
Reconciling After A Father’s Abandonment
Blondie L. Clayton
How do you begin to have a
successful relationship with your father after abandonment? It’s
been a long
time. In most cases you have excluded him from your thinking, or
consideration.
He hasn’t been there. It hurt but what could you do? You may even
have a new
daddy, not your doing, but it happened and you have moved on, accepted
that
life happens.
What we learn, parents aren’t
perfect, life has its twists and turns and people change. Like many
before you,
curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought him back. A successful
relationship after a father’s abandonment will take two people to
work out the
kinks. If you are curious, then make the move to connect; if not, leave
it
alone. In case you’re not interested and your father is, you
still have a
choice. This is the time you can show who you have become, either hard
hearted,
hateful and bitter, or a heart with love and kindness for this man who
is a
stranger.
Yes, the power is in your hands to
crush his efforts. Secretly in your heart you may want him to pay for
what has
happened to you along the way. Suppose your father’s abandonment
was not what
it appeared to be? Would you deny yourself the possibility of a
successful
relationship if you knew he chose to protect you from further hurt,
confusion,
and bitterness because your mother was being difficult? So who is at
fault? This may not always be the case
but you will never know why your father opted to sacrifice you, his
flesh and
blood, even if it meant you believing the worst about him.
Now that your mind is twirling
with questions and some things to consider, where do you start to bring
about a
successful relationship with your father? The first warning, keep your
expectations low, whether he makes the contact or you. This
relationship is
just like meeting anyone for the first time. Try not to bombard your
father
with “why,” ask but more questions to get to know him: what
foods he likes, his
job, schooling, parents, hobbies, etc. Share yourself with him.
You don’t know each other. Yes,
you have a past but if you ask the “why” questions upfront
your chances at a
successful relationship may be hindered because you will focus on that
and have
no interest in the man, and his answers may not satisfy you. Give him
the same
benefit you would in getting to know a stranger you are considering
becoming a
part of your life. He at least deserves that.
Expect that the success of your
relationship will not be overnight. Take your time. Keep the right
mindset. If
you are allowing your father back into your life to guilt him into
using things
to win you back, then you are not heading for a successful relationship
built
on unconditional love. Relationships built on guilt do not last.
Decide before you reach out what
you want from your father at this time in your life. Do you want him to
be a
part of your life, your family now, or you need to ask the
“why” questions?
Either way you have made it this far and survived. Now you have a
choice. Or
you can be bigger than the feelings abandonment left you with and make
the
effort to nurture a successful relationship in spite of your
father’s response.
You can impact his life with love as a better choice.
A successful relationship after a
father’s abandonment takes patience, persistence, nurturing and a
willingness
to forgive, let go, and thrive.
Have you read the
book: The Rise Above My Father’s
Abandonment? (click here)
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