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"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I
would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, 'I used
everything you gave me'." (Erma Bombeck)
Book Excerpts
Free At Last!
The Voice: Do you
remember when nightfall came, your grandfather would offer you quarters
to go into the darkness to pluck some fruit or bring back some
vegetable and you wondered why?
Yes, it’s coming back now, the night I woke up
to the wetness on my inner thigh. He had insisted that I sleep with
him. I thought that maybe he missed my grandmother, but he had replaced
my grandmother with me. And I thought he loved me.
When he was sending me to the dark, while my
grandmother was still alive, I thought he was trying to teach me
something valuable in life, like not being afraid of the dark. So
that’s what he was doing. He would do this to get me away from
everyone. Suddenly, I felt sad that my grandfather had stepped over the
line. I recall how protective I was of him.
Images of small children giving oral pleasure to a female appeared.
The Voice: That was you. It was you all the time. I left the image there so you would remember it for this day.
I thought, “Oh, my God. That was me. All this time I thought it was only my younger siblings.”
The screen of my mind switched to a young man taking
sexual pleasure by bouncing a baby girl up and down on the hardness
between his legs.
The Voice: That baby girl was you, also.
I could not hold back the tears. With the tears I
felt free. I danced around the house. It was over. My past had
controlled what I thought of myself, how I lived my life, my habits,
and my successes. I was determined to overcome and God had delivered me.
I was reminded of watching a well-known talk show
hostess interview of one particular guest who ran away from home at
fifteen because her father was molesting her. The psychiatrist, who had
appeared on the show with her, had documented over a hundred
identifiable personalities. I remembered how I burst into
uncontrollable anger and tears when I heard her story. I thought, How
could this person be sane living with that many personalities? Now it
was evident. I, too, had lived with my own alters.
The workbook section of Freeing Your Mind From Past Memories That Bind
confirmed that I had little or no childhood memory. I had grown up
thinking there was something wrong with my memory and my ability to
remember. I didn’t have a lot of answers to events in my life
because that memory was lost as a result of certain traumas.
God gave back my stolen value that day. I was
finally a whole creature, a new soul. My life has never been the same.
God orchestrated my life plan; God was holding me up all the time. That
day he let me know that I had purpose, that he was going to use my
experience to guide others into the Light.
Today my granddaughter, Diana, and I are bonding. I
can hug and kiss her because I know where I stand before God and I am
obedient to his word. I praise God for the way he continues to guide
and protect me in that relationship. I have submitted my mental and
physical health to him. I have greater peace and joy than I have ever
known.
Clifford and I are still seeing victory in our lives
over his illness. No more chemotherapy, no weekly doctors visits, and
no nurses in and out of our house.
My prayer to you is that you know the joy of
God’s healing and being set free by truth in your own life. And
to know that it is God’s will that you receive healing. And that
He can do what no one else can.
(Excerpt From: There In The Midst The Mysterious Exposed)
The moment I held the money from my first paycheck at 14, and
experienced the high of having worked and received the fruits of my
labor, I was hooked. Money became my god.
My desire for money grew into a
love-hate relationship, to the point at times I could not get out of
bed to earn it. It was then that I knew something was wrong. Why had I
reached this point? Where had my desire gone? Why had I lost my zeal to
make money?
In search of answers, I ended up in the
past, on the doorsteps of my father’s parents’ property in
North Carolina. I was seven. My parents had split and left us in their
care. It was a life without the technology of lights, T.V., etc. I
remember my grandfather doing strange things like offering me money to
go out into his garden late in the evening to pick a vegetable. He did
other strange stuff like putting a dime wrapped in brown paper in each
shoe.
I once asked him why and he told me it was to ward off evil spirits.
Just when I had accepted my
parents’ absence and was starting to feel pretty secure my
grandmother died. Because my grandfather had a stroke in his right
side, earlier in life, there was no one to cook for us. After
grandma’s death a lot of our meals came out of cans.
Not too long after grandma’s
death, we were moved to my mother’s parents’ house. They
had a black and white T.V., radio, living room furniture, and
electricity. I looked forward to mealtimes. The table was always filled
with a mix of meats, vegetables, and desserts to feast on. Even though
there was plenty, we were often frowned upon when we requested seconds.
As I look back, that
grandmother’s relationship with money was puzzling. I knew she
handled the money. I would observe her telling her neighbors and
visitors the story of how she wasn’t getting financial help to
take care of us and how hard it was on her. Pricked by her story, those
folks would give to the cause. She never seemed to have enough. That
story was repeated over and over.
I will never forget the letters my
father sent with maybe two or three dollars—how she would open
the letters, take the money, and give me the letter.
In my heart I knew there was something
wrong with what my grandmother was doing. I grew to dislike her
practices of taking the money my father sent.
The relationship between the two of us
got worse when I accused her daughter of stealing my aunt’s
cosmetics from next door.
Telling the truth caused me to be sent
to live with that aunt. At first I felt rejected. But once I got next
door and discovered color T.V., snacks, having my own space, a
telephone—I thought I had gone to heaven. I could eat until I
quit. My cousins seemed to have so much. I was happy they were willing
to share. I envied their lifestyle. I remember wishing I had a father
like theirs.
I had experienced three views of life
in a very short period of time: a little, extra, and abundance.
My uncle’s family life appealed
to me. I vowed to myself that would be the type of life I would have
when I grew up.
The environment around us sends
messages all the time. As you grow up into adulthood, you never know
how such will influence your journey through life.
It is often not a blatant message. The
struggle comes when it’s buried behind all those emotional
moments of the past. It can be more difficult to uncover them because
you think time has caused them to fade.
No one ever told me the lack of money
was the reason some lived better and ate better. What I perceived was:
Money got you things; I learned to be envious and jealous for what
others had; money determined the quality of life; money buys not just
necessities but luxuries; I measured my value and worth by money; those
who have money had the power; I felt weak and insignificant; credit is
as good as money; those without are taken advantage of.
Re-examine the incidents of my life.
Get honest with yourself. What adult habits do you have that can be
traced back to your childhood perceptions?
What does your past reveal? How did
your environment influence you? Think about how you grew up, those
around you, what did you hear or observe? What role did money play in
all of this? Dig out those hidden enemies that may be keeping you from
your greater purpose.
Take a few moments and jot down your
first money encounters. Search those feelings. How healthy is your
relationship with money?
